(by SRH and Captain Whimsy)
We thought like most colon Role-playing games on the market we would put a quote in just to keep everybody with the thought that we did some work, seem pretentious or just wanted to pad the game out.
"Oh yes, right there Ken, do me, do me, oh yes, baby, right there, oh yes."
It had been a hard day at the salon, and all Barbie could think about was having Ken's head between her legs, when suddenly out of nowhere, a giant hand reached down and picked her up by the legs. "Arse" said Barbie as she disappeared into the heavens...
Welcome to the wondrous world of Barbie: The Mantraptm, in which you play one of the many Barbie clones inhabiting the planet. The rules of the game are very simple with the intention that character generation should take no more than a few minutes.
Step 1: Choosing an archetype. For this you will need to choose a doll (Cindy is not a doll. Cindy is an inanimate piece of plastic. Fnord! ) that best represents your character. Remember, if you cannot find a Barbie that best fits your character concept, then you are obviously thinking of the wrong concept. Please alter your social perception and attempt this step again. ( Barbie is not Wrong, its is YOU THAT IS WRONG. )
Step 2: Choosing Attributes. OK, well we lied about this one, the attributes you have are Looks, Brains and Fashion sense. Your starting looks depends on which Barbie you are playing, (see the side of the box), it can go up or down depending on if you melt your Barbie under the toaster or weld a diamond into her head. Initial Brains is zero, but if you wish to cut open your Barbie and insert a live, small rodent (preferably not me! SRH) and then seal Barbie up (or yourself, if you have changed your social perception properly) you can have a Brain score of 10. (All initial playtesting of this rule was authorised by someone. Probably a grown up. We didn't use scissors.) Fashion Sense starts at the arbitrary 50 value, this will go up and down as you purchase new items for Barbie to wear, accessorise for her, streak her hair, streak her entire body (for Ken's viewing pleasure), dye your face, eat no food, get a complex, start to love Ken for the stud he is, and other such activities ( Mantrap Masters please use your own judgement). For people who like to play the genderly challenged, you can opt to play Ken but all your attributes don't exist, as you are but a play thing to the many Barbies.
Step 3: Play the Game.
Would anyone who knows how to play the game please mail us the rules 'cos we've forgotten them. Hey, see us care.