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Growing Your Own Manna from Heaven

In response to the repeated lack of calls for subversive material, here is some reasonably legal advice for people planning to practice botany.
  1. Procure:
    a medium sized plant pot per intended plant, some soil (hint: earth), some seeds (grass often contains seeds that can be grown).
  2. Put the soil in the pot. Just tap the pot to settle the soil (don't squash it down). Push the seed gently into the soil, to a depth of 3/4" or up to the first line on your index finger. Cover the seed.
  3. Water (water every other day after - not too much tho).
  4. Put somewhere warm (not necessarily light) until shoots appear. If they don't appear after a week or ten days - it ain't coming.
  5. Place under a light source (no, not Helmans). Plants need light for at least 14 hours a day (more is fine, less is not).
  6. When the seedling grows a new 'stage' pinch it off. Two growths will appear. Continue this until 'bushy' (approx 3 - 4 months).
  7. Change lighting to 12 hours a day; 4 - 6 weeks later, strip plant, dry and smerk.
  8. Say cool, but I'd rather pay for someone else to take the risks.

Stop Me If You've Heard This One

Q.How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A.Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, and one to not screw in the lightbulb.